I’m afraid that I’ve chosen the wrong path
By Kate Baird.
Have you ever read Steven Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? Well, I have. Okay, fine- I haven’t finished it, but I plan on getting to it someday! I did get as far as Habit 2, however. This habit states that you should begin with the end in mind. A beautiful sentiment, right?
To illustrate this, he uses a story about climbing a ladder, showing that if you don’t begin with the end in mind you’ll climb your ladder and when you get to the top, you’ll realize that you should have propped your ladder on another building all along. Or something like that.
When I read this chapter, I felt wholly unsettled. I can kind of hazily imagine “the end” for me in personal terms- family is important to me, and I want a fulfilling career. But what that career is exactly has proven to be a moving target for me. How can I begin each day with something uncertain in mind?
When I look at my past, I can already see how many times my path has jogged. I graduated with a degree in architecture, and now I’m a web designer. I know it’s not uncommon to do something different than your college major, but part of me always wonders if I would be a better designer if I had majored in something that more traditionally supported the direction I have taken.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been stubbornly barking up the wrong tree this whole time. When I was a junior in high school I got a 5 on my AP Calculus test. Should I have taken that as a sign, and gone on to be a mathematician? I think I would have been seriously bored, but I never really had that kind of success in art class, so why did I keep going?
In the end, I know why I kept going – it’s what I chose to do in my free time. It’s what I loved. But there’s part of me that worries that in following my heart, so to speak, I chose wrong. That I could have done something that made more of a difference, that made more money, or did both those things and was just plain easier.
But I guess that’s the real challenge of life, isn’t it? We don’t get to see the end result and pick our paths accordingly – we have to do our best given the limited information we have in the present. I like what I do and I’m doing my best. For now, that’s enough.
Kate Baird is the web designer, developer and collaborator who lives at KatelynBrooke.com. Geographically, she hails from Northern Virginia where she lives with her husband, her parents, and their puppy, for the time being. When she’s not hanging out online or perusing her Instagram feed, you can find her running, doing yoga, or cuddled up in front of a sitcom on Netflix.
This Fear Confession was originally published on Happy Muses, September 30, 2014.